Santa Claus for HEDONIST: How I Travel the Entire Planet in One Night

As a globally recognized figure who brings joy to people—especially the youngest—he immediately agreed to become a guest editor of Hedonist’s holiday edition, claiming he has been reading our magazine since its very first issue, which he received as a gift from his aunt in Canada.

What do you like most about Banja Luka?

Banja Luka is a beautiful city from which I always take away wonderful memories and positive energy. I’m constantly impressed by your food, traditions, and cultural and historical heritage. Still, what I love most are the people—those who, even in these challenging times, do not lose optimism and hope. That is, after all, my life motto.

The only minor issue is your hunting associations—my reindeer seem to attract a bit too much interest.

You’re considered the most recognizable person on the planet. Why the red-and-white outfit?

Originally, my uniform was completely white, in harmony with winter and the season when I’m most active. However, my older sister once “accidentally” washed it together with a red shirt. Due to a series of strange circumstances, the washing machine produced this red-and-white combination. I liked it and decided to keep it as part of my image.

Being Santa Claus must be physically demanding. How do you stay in shape?

Through constant training. I regularly attend mountaineering courses and go hiking at least twice a year. I often visit a nearby dog park, where I crawl through narrow tunnels and tackle obstacle courses. After all these years, the dogs have finally stopped looking at me strangely.

I also have a personal trainer and a nutritionist. I enjoy working with them—they’re part of my team of helper elves, who, like me, love good food, sweets, and fine wine (not necessarily in that order). Our training sessions are intense, often lasting until early morning, and frequently end with discussions about the meaning of life, football, and ladies.

So… does Mrs. Claus exist?

I may be the most famous grandfather in the world, but a true gentleman never talks about such things. Ho, ho, ho!

Is Saint Nicholas your competition?

On the contrary. Saint Nicholas is a classmate of mine—and a good friend—who almost always beats me at chess, though I rarely get upset. Our teams work closely together because our mission is the same: to make children around the world happy. At least once a year, we go on a joint team-building retreat, usually to sunny and warm destinations. During these gatherings, our teams exchange experiences, insights, and innovations that make everyone’s job easier. We even share a Trello account for better organization.

How do you prepare for New Year’s Eve?

First and foremost, I coordinate with chimney sweep associations. We stay in constant communication because chimney accessibility is crucial. Once they confirm everything is ready, I print the document in three copies, certify it, and submit it to the World Ministry of Happiness and Joy. After receiving approval, along with a notarized personal statement, I proceed to the Organization for Gift Distribution. Only after their authorization—and payment of the required fee—do I begin my mission.

Since this process takes a long time (someone is always on vacation, sick leave, or “not responsible for the matter”), I start preparations as early as autumn, when my chimney-sweeping friends also begin reminding people to clean their chimneys. In fact, delivering gifts personally is the least complicated part.

Speaking of deliveries—who’s more of a “problem”: an awake dad or an awake mom?

Ho, ho, ho! When time allows, I sometimes sit down with dads for a drink and a chat, after they recover from the shock of my late-night chimney entrance—especially since I often arrive completely blackened with soot and barely recognizable. Over time, I’ve made many good friends this way and improved my chimney-climbing speed.

As for moms… let’s just say I talk to them less. That’s due to my natural shyness around ladies. Ho, ho, ho!

Our parents told us Santa doesn’t exist. Your comment?

No comment—but here I am!

What makes you a true hedonist?

I’d say my love for travel—after all, I manage to visit the entire planet in a single night. I also deeply appreciate a good piece of perfectly prepared meat, which often leads to lively debates with my vegetarian reindeer—but alas, I can’t resist. I enjoy relaxing with friends over good wine, and I have a lifetime Netflix subscription, so I spend my days off watching my favorite series and films.

I also have a small workshop where I make some custom toys (you know what parents can be like), so I truly enjoy creation and creativity as well.

What are the most unusual requests you’ve ever received?

There have been many, but I always smile when I remember a letter from a seven-year-old girl in Britain. She asked me to arrest members of the “parent mafia,” operating globally with a single goal: replacing delicious sweets with spinach and broccoli.